Words, Words, and More Words
In this blog we are going to find out where I talk the most in my QRG, and how I can cut the words down to create a snappier flow.
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Which Paragraph Was Like a Novel?
The Following excerpt is from my QRG rough draft:
"In the beautiful state of Ohio exists a company ruled by a tyrant. The physical surroundings of the land are beautiful. In New Albany, Ohio exists the company that changed the game, and then lost it. New Albany is a place where the rich come to get richer, while the poor come to... well, still be poor. As one of the richest cities in all of Ohio we can assume an atmosphere that fits Abercrombie and Fitch quite well. The environment is home to the people who have struck it rich, and measure their well-being by the number of commas in their checking account. The town is highly caucasian and conservative as well. The only things that take place are executive decisions. It doesn't feel like home. There's no struggle in this land in this small. Abercrombie exists in a town that reflects the company itself. This city sits on a throne of happiness and little to no problems."
Now I'm going to cut it down:
"Abercrombie and Fitch is located in the small town of New Albany, Ohio, one of the wealthiest parts of Ohio. Along with extremely wealthy citizens, New Albany contains a predominantly caucasian community with more than 85% of its inhabitants being white. The small town of roughly 9,200 citizens also boasts an enormous amount of college graduates, with approximately 7,200 citizens having their Bachelor’s degree."
"In the beautiful state of Ohio exists a company ruled by a tyrant. The physical surroundings of the land are beautiful. In New Albany, Ohio exists the company that changed the game, and then lost it. New Albany is a place where the rich come to get richer, while the poor come to... well, still be poor. As one of the richest cities in all of Ohio we can assume an atmosphere that fits Abercrombie and Fitch quite well. The environment is home to the people who have struck it rich, and measure their well-being by the number of commas in their checking account. The town is highly caucasian and conservative as well. The only things that take place are executive decisions. It doesn't feel like home. There's no struggle in this land in this small. Abercrombie exists in a town that reflects the company itself. This city sits on a throne of happiness and little to no problems."
Now I'm going to cut it down:
"Abercrombie and Fitch is located in the small town of New Albany, Ohio, one of the wealthiest parts of Ohio. Along with extremely wealthy citizens, New Albany contains a predominantly caucasian community with more than 85% of its inhabitants being white. The small town of roughly 9,200 citizens also boasts an enormous amount of college graduates, with approximately 7,200 citizens having their Bachelor’s degree."
How the Audience Views it
This rewritten section of the QRG cuts down on two things, the bias and the unnecessary details. Rather than stretching a scenario out, the new version of this section gets the point across quickly. This attribute is key to a QRG, as it should be able to found quickly and easily. Before, you had to read a block of text to get an idea of the setting. Now you can just quickly find out where the controversy took place at. The new article contains all of the vital content, while boosting the look of the QRG.
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