Sunday, April 24, 2016

Peer Review for Alec Eulano

Let's what Alec's got!


This post is dedicated as a review for Alec's QRG!


Let's begin


An Unpopular Opinion Protecting Unpopular Opinions by Alec Eulano can be found here. (Blog found here).

I will be doing a re-design recommendation for Alec's project.

Down to the important stuff


1. I made Alec's work better by suggesting a fix in the hyperlink department, as he used an abundance of hyperlinks in his project. They felt a little overwhelming, but I think if he cuts down on them he'll be in great shape. Other than that I thought he did a fantastic job. Another thing that I'd recommend is that if Alec would really reach me in his work. I just need to feel the QRG. I need to feel welcomed by the QRG like I would on a real website.

2. I incorporated the students guide because I helped Alec with the organization of his QRG. By dealing with the hyperlinks he'll have to reorganize it a bit, but other than that it was solid. I think this guy has got a real A1 QRG here and he should be proud of himself.

3. I admired the overall fluidity of Alec's QRG. The flow of his project was unreal, it was mesmerizing. I really think I could learn how to better my projects by following the creativity and effort that Alec put into his project. His project is going to standout amongst the others for sure. His QRG puts everyone else's to shame.

Peer Review for Avalon Lubera

Let's what Avalon's got!


This post is dedicated as a review for Avalon's essay!


Let's begin


Drug Decriminalization: Dangerous or Desirable for the United States? by Avalon Lubera can be found here.

comment found here.

I will be doing a re-design recommendation for Avalon's project.

Down to the important stuff


1. I made Avalon's work better by promoting the usage of better sources. I had never heard of some of the stuff she was talking about, so I had to step into the gauntlet of the fearless internet to see where she got her information from. They were a little sketchy, but sometimes you just got to trust the process. I loved it though, A1.

2. I incorporated the students guide because I helped Avalon with her credibility in her paper. If she isn't credible she is going to lose mad ethos points. Come on girl, we gotta get you back up to par with this project. If you can find a source from the FDA or a major government organization, then you will be golden.

3. I admired the overall concept of Avalon's work. I can tell she has so much passion for information on drugs, it was truly astounding. I think I could harness this raw passion and create a beast of a project. I will forever be in debt to Avalon's passion, it was truly an incredible experience. 

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

What up doe


In this blog you're about to tune in to the dopest paper of 2016. So dope.

Link


Here it is right here.

Key Info


Look everyone my essay is straight fire, but I think you need to look at my organization. That is the only thing that I am truly worried about. If it is that bad then rip me a new one, but try to positively rip me a new one.

Major Weaknesses


Other than my drive for school, I think this essay is most week in the structure. I tried to make it not too choppy, and create fluidity. Did it work, well you'll have to tell me. I don't know how this one is going to come off to the readers, since no one has really given me a review. Like I said don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, I'll only cry a little bit.

Major Strengths


This essay has some prime time content if you ask me. My personal anecdotes are so on point that it'd be a shame if you call me out on them. The heart and soul went into this paper and I hope you cry and become more understanding through this paper. I'm going to change lives one view at a time so let's do this <3.

Editorial Report 13b

Let's compare and contrast shall we?


In this blog post, I'm going to see the how far one of my body paragraphs has come in this paper.

The Original - Rough Cut


According to Insider Monkey, the number one and number four most consumed foods in America are candy and chips, respectively ("Top 10 Snack Foods Consumed In America"). With this in mind it is safe to assume that most of the lunches being packed contain these unhealthy snacks that kids usually love. If a child was asked to pick between fruit or a candy bar, the answer would be pretty obvious. Children do not care if it is good for them, but only care if it tastes good in general. With this in mind, think of what snacks the kids in school are likely to grab first.

The New One - Re-edited Cut


According to Insider Monkey, the number one and number four most consumed foods in America are candy and chips, respectively ("Top 10 Snack Foods Consumed In America"). With this in mind it is safe to assume that most of the lunches being packed contain these unhealthy snacks that kids usually love. If a child was asked to pick between fruit or a candy bar, the answer would be pretty obvious. Children do not care if it is good for them, but only care if it tastes good in general. With this in mind, think of what snacks the kids in school are likely to grab first. Although the kids seem oblivious to healthy eating, it simply is not their fault. At such a young age, children cannot grasp what effects junk food such as chips, candy, and soda have on their developing bodies. This leads to unhealthy, picky eating that not only diminishes the health of a growing child, but also creates a waste of food fiscally for parents.

The Questions we want answers to



1. The content changed when I re-edited because I added so much more analysis to the original part of the paragraph. Originally it was just fact after fact and it didn't really go well with my argument. After I added a little bit of analysis and soul to my paper, it flowed extremely well. The ideas are definitely conveyed much better in the newer version compared to the older one.

2. The form changed because I added a citation and that was pretty much it. Honestly form isn't huge in this project so I was able to just adjust my citation to the proper citation. I really don't know what else to say about this part, as it established credibility and that was the only thing that really changed.





Editorial Report 13a

Let's compare and contrast shall we?


In this blog post, I'm going to see the how far one of my body paragraphs has come in this paper.

The Original - Rough Cut


A topic that commonly resurfaces is the idea that schools provide no options for vegetarian or vegan students who cannot consume the same foods as their non-vegan and non-vegetarian counterparts. According to the Vegetarian Resource Group (VRG), schools are required to offer items such as a salad for both vegans and vegetarians to eat for lunch. Although currently only five percent of elementary schools offer other vegan options, there is always food available for people of this lifestyle. As society grows away from the traditional meat, veggies, and fruit lunch, more vegan options will open up in the upcoming years.

The New One - Re-edited Cut


      A topic that commonly resurfaces is the idea that schools provide no options for vegetarian or vegan students who cannot consume the same foods as their non-vegan and non-vegetarian counterparts. According to the Vegetarian Resource Group (VRG), schools are required to offer items such as a salad for both vegans and vegetarians to eat for lunch. Although currently only five percent of elementary schools offer other vegan options, there is always food available for people of this lifestyle. As society grows away from the traditional meat, veggies, and fruit lunch, more vegan options will open up in the upcoming years. Vegetarians have a few more options, as 25 percent of elementary schools have vegetarian options ("Vegetarian Journal's Foodservice Update, Vol. XII No. 2 And 3 -- Vegetarian Resource Group"). These meals consist of simple foods such as peanut butter and jelly, vegetable wraps, and other low maintenance food that satisfies the needs of vegetarians. It is understandable to note that there is not much diversity among the food options for people with specific diets, but the fact that there are some options proves that children will always have a meal at school that fits their needs.

The Questions we want answers to


1. The content changed when I re-edited because I added so much more analysis to the original part of the paragraph. Originally it was just fact after fact and it didn't really go well with my argument. After I added a little bit of analysis and soul to my paper, it flowed extremely well. The ideas are definitely conveyed much better in the newer version compared to the older one.

2. The form changed because I added a citation and that was pretty much it. Honestly form isn't huge in this project so I was able to just adjust my citation to the proper citation. I really don't know what else to say about this part, as it established credibility and that was the only thing that really changed.


Reflection On Post-Production 2

The final review of the project


In this blog, we're going to checkout how I've progressed throughout this project.

Time to evaluate


1. Successes during the week were that I finished the project even with a busy schedule. This whole week I had been stressed in non-academic aspects, so it had been a pretty rough week. I'm just happy that I got my project done, and that I did the college essay pretty well. My main focus was the genre examples, and I think I hit them pretty well.

2. Challenges this week included keeping my paper organized and well put together. I really suck at that, so making sure I didn't bounce all over the place was a huge key to the successes of the project. As I mentioned before, other challenges included the social aspect of the week. I had a retreat this weekend so it was pretty strenuous this week, balancing all of my stuff.

3. Next week will be be the start of a new week so I think it'll go well because it'll be something new. I can't wait to get to the final project, since it kind of signifies the end of the semester. I'm ready to go home, this semester has been rough to say the least.

4. I'm feeling okay about the project as of right now. I'm just glad the last major project is done and over with and that I can move on. I feel that this one was tougher to make creatively, so we'll have to see how well I did come grading time.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

Showtime!


In this blog we are going to look at the rough cut of my standard college essay. Enjoy!

What you should know about my project


I'm going to be honest here, this really is a rough cut to my project. Like really rough. I want you to know how I feel about this essay, and I think you should pay special attention to my citations. To be brutally honest my teachers in high school were horrible at teaching citations. I think you need to lay into my essay and really give it a good edit. Don't hold back.

My weaknesses


Well my citations are a bit iffy. Another thing I need you to look at is the organization of my body paragraphs. I've always been able to get ideas across, but I've never been able to construct my ideas in a logical flow. The ideas usually kind of just bounce all over the wall and the connection doesn't work very. So, when checking out my essay keep these in mind and really help me out here if you can. DON'T BE NICE TELL ME LIKE IT IS.

My Strengths


I think the bread and butter of my essay are the intro and outro. I spent the most time dealing with these two parts of my essay so I feel like they're the best I have to offer to you. Hopefully they're well liked and appreciated but if there's any changes that need to be made, feel free to rip them apart. I'd prefer you to focus on my weaknesses though, as I feel like these are the areas I would need improvement on. I also feel that the content is pretty formidable too.

Link to project 


Check out my Standard College Essay here


Peer Review for Sienna Willis

The standard college essay review


In this post we are going to be taking a peek at Sienna's standard college essay!

Let the Editing begin


Name and Title: Sienna Willis's essay: “Tall”, “Petite”, and “Curvy” Barbie Dolls: A Desire for Increased Sales or Increased Body Positivity?

Type of edit: Content

Where: Sienna's project can be found here

How did I help :


I helped Sienna's essay by offering a suggestion to make her content more effective. I asked if she'd like to show her data better to strengthen her logical approach in her essay. In her essay she claimed how barbie sales have plummeted in the late 90's. As a reader I'm not totally convinced by these claims and would rather have some evidence of these statements. I think if she can cite a study or specific numbers she'll be well off and have a really good foundation for the essay.

Student's Guide Incorporation:


I think the aspect I helped with was the use of sources from her essay. I think if she slides her sources in more effectively, she'll really be able to add to her logical approach in her essay. The student's guide mentions the questioning of the fact stated which is what I elaborated on earlier. Once she adds this she'll be golden.

One thing that I admired:


I admired the flow of Sienna's essay. It blended really well together and was a very quick reading. I think the topic is a very controversial, and will definitely draw a lot of attention towards this essay. I think as long as Sienna doesn't change how the essay is written, she'll have a very effective paper on the Barbie Doll argument.



Peer Review for Ben Barnett

The standard college essay


In this post, we are going to be reviewing Ben Barnett's standard college essay excerpt.

Let the Editing begin


Name and Title: Ben Barnett and no title given (Editorial 12b) 

Type of edit: Content

Where: Ben Barnett's post can be found here

How did I help Ben:


I helped Ben's project by offering him better ways to present his information. As of right now his content is kind of choppy and not very well put together. The information is there, but I think how it is presented is what needs to be touched up on. Once he restructures his sentences and makes the flow better (they're like bullet points right now), Ben will be in great shape with his project.

Student's Guide Incorporation:


I think the aspect I helped with was the organizational part from the student's guide. I believe that by restructuring the sentences and moving them around in his paragraph, Ben will improve his work tremendously. This will make his purpose more effective, and he'll be able to present a better argument in his standard college essay.

One thing that I admired:


I admired the rational thought that Ben used in the excerpt from his piece. He was very level headed and wasn't trying to shove a radical idea down my throat. By using this type of tone and this writing style, I think Ben's paper will come off as very eloquently written, which I would like to put into my paper. I want to come off as rational with could intentions, and a reasonable argument that all parties will be able to listen to.




Editorial Report 12b

Before and After


In this post we are going to see the difference between my old conclusion paragraph, and my newly edited conclusion paragraph.

The original


            Countless studies point back to the fact that the health of student dining should be left in the hands of the schools rather than parents. With the strict health code guidelines that schools are required to follow, parents can be ensured that their children are provided with the best health opportunities available. In order to keep the kids of America healthy, parents must simply accept the fact that the school lunch trumps the classic, brown-bagged option that has been the food staple for the past century.

The Fresh cut


            Countless studies point back to the fact that the health of student dining should be left in the hands of the schools rather than parents. With the strict health code guidelines that schools are required to follow, parents can be ensured that their children are provided with the best health opportunities available. As obesity rates continue to rise, parents must look at the facts that point them to one of the causes of the weight gaining epidemic. In order to keep the kids of America healthy, parents must simply accept the fact that the school lunch trumps the classic, brown-bagged option that has been the food staple for the past century. Do you want your child to grow up unhappily at an uncomfortable weight? If not, take the precaution and set your child up for a life they deserve.

The Questions


1. So my content change for my outro was that I added some more material. Before, my outro was very objective which was great because it got the points across. What it lacked, however, was the emotional appeal that it needed. To fix that I added an emotional closing sentence. I put the ball in the court of the parents, and put it on them to change their child's lifestyle. I didn't force them to do anything, but offered a consideration that could lead to shaping their child's life. We'll see how effective it is.

2. The form changed slightly because I made a very powerful ending statement that should have an impact on the reader. Before, I kind of just ended my paper originally which would have sold the reader short in a sense. Not much else changed in the form of this section as I tried to make it pretty clean cut. I didn't want to drag out the ending, but rather end it powerfully and swiftly. This is what made the essay more effective.

Editorial Report 12a

Before and After


In this blog post we are going to check out the difference between my intro paragraph from last week to this week's.

The original


            The clock reads 11:30 a.m. and the stomachs of 32 elementary school children are rumbling. It’s lunch time. “Grab your lunches if you brought them from home!” the teacher reminds us as we eagerly push each other out of the way to be first in line. I was last in line, as I brought my lunch as per usual. After a short walk my classmates and I are in the lunchroom feasting on meals, school bought or home brought. I open my lunch box and see my favorite snacks: Cheetos, a turkey and cheese sandwich with mayo on both pieces of bread, chips ahoy cookies, and of course a juice box. Across from me were my friends consuming the school lunch, typically a burger or a hot dog accompanied with fruit and steamed vegetables. What I didn’t know at the time was that the lunch my loving mother had packed me was a ticking time bomb that slowly led to me becoming far too heavy for my own good. The lunches packed by parents often contain foods that contain little nutritional value for children, whereas school lunches are held to regulations set in place by the government. To promote a healthy and successful upbringing, parents should leave the lunches to the schools rather than themselves.

The Fresh cut


            The clock reads 11:30 a.m. and the stomachs of 32 elementary school children are rumbling. “Grab your lunches if you brought them from home!” the teacher reminds us as we eagerly push each other out of the way to be first in line. Being first was not a worry for me, as I had always brought my lunch to school. After a short walk my classmates and I are in the lunchroom feasting on meals, from both home and served fresh from the school kitchen. I quickly peer into my lunch box and see my favorite snacks: Cheetos, a turkey and cheese sandwich with mayo, chips ahoy cookies, and of course a Capri-Sun. Across from me were my friends consuming the school-made lunch, typically a burger or a hot dog accompanied with fruit and steamed vegetables. What I didn’t know at the time was that the lunch my loving mother had packed me was a ticking time bomb that slowly led to me becoming far too heavy for my own good. The lunches packed by parents often contain foods that have little nutritional value for children, whereas school lunches are held to health regulations set in place by the government. To promote a healthy and successful upbringing, parents should leave the lunch-making to the schools rather than themselves.

The Questions


1. I think the content changed tremendously even with a few minor edits. Basically all I did was cut out the minor phrases that made the content choppy and not very fluid. By removing these, I feel that the content itself remained intact, but I get the point across more efficiently. I think it's being communicated much more effectively now because it cut down the intro into a less lengthy paragraph. By just taking it out bits and pieces, the content is much smoother.

2. I'll be honest here, the form didn't change at all. The only part that changed was that I reshaped my personal anecdote which establishes the pathos in my essay. Since I haven't introduced any sources at this point, I don't have much form to discuss. I kept my thesis in there, and I believe that I established the form of the standard college essay quite well.


Reflection on Post-Production Phase 1

How'd the week go?


In this blog I'll be explaining what exactly took place this week, and what I can expect to see for next week.

Onward to the questions


1. Successes this week consisted of actually getting my project done. I may have a lot more work to do, dealing with touching it up, but the main part is over with. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, as the entire project seemed to flow together nicely and effectively. Another thing that went right this week was the inclusion of the sources. I felt that I utilized all of my sources pretty effectively. This boosted my credibility tremendously.

2. The challenges of this week were just doing the work. To be completely honest I'm burnt out from school. The past 61 blogs have kicked my ass, and my other classes are starting to get to me as well. One thing that was a challenge in this paper was citing sources. In high school they always drilled citation rules into us, but it was always within a week. It was never consistently taught so I have troubles there.

3. Next week is going to be very stressful, I actually have anxiety just thinking about it. I have to get my projects and work done during the week because I will be gone all of next weekend on a retreat. So the amount of time to finish my entire project got squeezed into about 4ish days rather than 7. So my main focus for next week is to cut out my procrastination and to be on top of my game for this project. The end of the year is coming up super fast, so it's going to be a rough week.

4. Right now I'm feeling iffy about my project. The content is there, but my citations are not the best. I still have a lot of editorial work to do, but at least the bulk of the work is done. I'm going to try and hammer out the details and the small stuff on Monday, and then hopefully finish it up come Wednesday. I think the percentage that this project is worth also creates worry in me. I have to get over the stresses and just push through.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Reflection on the Production Phase

Where am I at?


In this blog post I'll be discussing how the week went, and what I expect for next week.

The audience questions


1. The successes of this week were that I figured out the style I want to incorporate in my essay. As seen in the introduction and conclusion paragraphs I've provided, I have a very straight and to the point approach for this project. I intend to keep my project interesting, but to not beat around the bush when explaining and showing facts and studies from my sources. I think I was pretty successful at accomplishing this idea, but there's still definitely room for improvement.

2. The challenges of this week were just getting my essay started. It's so hard to decide on how you want to start an essay, and that was definitely the case this week. I looked back at last week's outline, but still wasn't 100% positive how I wanted to play out. I like what I have so far, but I still need to edit it and make sure that it's crisp and clean for next week.

3. I think next week will go extremely well. Next week is the first time since Spring Break that I've had no tests or other projects due, so I'll be able to really focus on this project. It makes me excited knowing that this will be a relaxed week, and that I'll be able to put the time and effort that I really want to into this project.

4. Right now I'm feeling great about this project. I think I've gotten a good start on it, and the only direction I can move is up from this point. I think next week will be successful and that I'm in really good shape in this class. I'm still a little nervous about my use of sources and trying to keep my personal bias out of the argument. I want to be as credible as possible and disprove almost everything opposite of the side that I'm on.

Production Report 11b

How's the raw content?


In this blog post I'm going to show a rough cut of my Standard College Essay and compare it to the outline that I created last week.

From the Outline


Here's a section of the conclusion part of the outline that I'll be showing an adaptation to:

"Here I plan to recap all of the point I've made and restate how important it is to do what is best for the kids. At the end of the day, the child is affected here, not the parent. To explain to the audience the larger meaning, I can emphasize the facts once again. I can reference studies here, and give cold, hard data to prove anyone wrong who doesn't believe in it. Secondly, I plan on leaving off in a sentimental note. I'll use a personal experience to describe the tough upbringing of being obese, and how packed lunches contributed to this upbringing."

Access to raw content


Here's the adapted part of my outline that is now my rough cut conclusion paragraph:

            Countless studies point back to the fact that the health of student dining should be left in the hands of the schools rather than parents. With the strict health code guidelines that schools are required to follow, parents can be ensured that their children are provided with the best health opportunities available. In order to keep the kids of America healthy, parents must simply accept the fact that the school lunch trumps the classic, brown-bagged option that has been the food staple for the past century.

Audience Questions


1. So one main points of form and genre conventions that I used in my conclusion was to restate my thesis and to reiterate the major parts of my essay. I aimed to keep my conclusion concise, while trying to leave the reader to make a decision to decide what they got from this essay. Do they agree with my arguments and why I made them? Or if they don't then why not? So basically all in all the goal was to keep it short and sweet, and to not mess up any conventions in the last part of my essay.

2. There definitely weren't as many hiccups in the concluding paragraph as there were in my introduction paragraph. Since this is basically restating my main ideas, I didn't have too much trouble with it. The only issue I had was trying to send the audience off on a deeper level, rather than just cutting the essay short and saying "okay you can leave now." I tried to make the ending powerful, but I think I can do a better job of it once I edit the rough cut.

Production Report 11a

How's the raw content?


In this blog post I'm going to show a rough cut of my Standard College Essay and compare it to the outline that I created last week.

From the Outline


Here's a section of the introduction part of the outline that I'll be showing an adaptation to:

"Here I plan on introducing the argument and the idea that school lunches are healthier than homemade lunches. To grab the reader's attention in the introduction I need to find a shocking statistic that catches the eye of the reader. Hopefully this will get the reader to keep reading. Another way to grab the reader's attention is to introduce a study from an easily recognizable institution or school (like Virginia Tech), to establish a bit of credibility in this essay."

Access to raw content


Here's the adapted part of my outline that is now my rough cut intro paragraph:

            The clock reads 11:30 a.m. and the stomachs of 32 elementary school children are rumbling. It’s lunch time. “Grab your lunches if you brought them from home!” the teacher reminds us as we eagerly push each other out of the way to be first in line. I was last in line, as I brought my lunch as per usual. After a short walk my classmates and I are in the lunchroom feasting on meals, school bought or home brought. I open my lunch box and see my favorite snacks: Cheetos, a turkey and cheese sandwich with mayo on both pieces of bread, chips ahoy cookies, and of course a juice box. Across from me were my friends consuming the school lunch, typically a burger or a hot dog accompanied with fruit and steamed vegetables. What I didn’t know at the time was that the lunch my loving mother had packed me was a ticking time bomb that slowly led to me becoming far too heavy for my own good. The lunches packed by parents often contain foods that contain little nutritional value for children, whereas school lunches are held to regulations set in place by the government. To promote a healthy and successful upbringing, parents should leave the lunches to the schools rather than themselves.

Audience Questions


1. I decided to use form in my updated version by starting off my essay with a hook that involves a personal anecdote. In order to catch the audience's attention, I decided it'd be best to try and use a unique story to pull the audience in instead of going with a fact, quote, or question at the beginning of my essay. I also included a thesis statement in my introduction as well. This will serve as to what the reader can expect the rest of my essay to contain, so that they know what they'll be learning about. I want my essay to be read and not glanced at and thrown in the trash, so I think these conventions will serve their purpose greatly.

2. The introduction is always the hardest part of the essay in my opinion. So just starting it to get the ball rolling was the toughest part of the project. I couldn't really figure out how I wanted to come at the readers and what I wanted the tone of my personal story to be. It was a lot of decision making that is definitely still subject to change. I'd say the successes are undetermined because I just finished it today and I need to take a break before I come back and look at my essay again.


Peer Review for Emily Bond

The Review for Emily


In this blog post, I'm going to be reviewing Emily Bond's main body from her production report 11a (no title) found here.

Let's Analyze


For Emily's QRG, I edited her form.

How'd I make it better?


I think I made Emily's work better by offering ideas on how to make the QRG look more like a QRG. In her rough cut she offers no media, which makes it come off almost as a Standard College Essay. This is a huge red flag for the QRG as it's supposed to be easy on the eyes, and be something that you can navigate through easily. The lack of media also led to a lack of white space which is another big no no for the QRG. So I offered her suggestions on how to battle this, and I think she's a few easy edits away from making her body section great.

Student's guide incorporation?


I incorporated the organization section from the student's guide into the editing of Emily's QRG. As I stated before, white space is a big part of the QRG. I offered suggestions for her to move around the text by inserting images and by adding bullet points and other conventions of the QRG. I also praised Emily for her use of sources through hyperlinks. She utilized the hyperlinks very well, so I made sure to let her know that!

One thing I admired?


I admired how to the point that Emily was. She didn't throw in any unnecessary text that can bore the reader, which allowed her to get her main points across efficiently. Sometimes I get anxiety about how short a section is so I'll add fluff that creates a negative impact on my work. I will try to reflect Emily's straightforwardness in my own project to create the same effect that she did!

Peer Review for Sienna Willis

The Review for Sienna


In this blog post, I'm going to be reviewing Sienna Willis's introduction paragraph from her production report 11a (no title) found here.

Let's Analyze


For Sienna's SCE (Standard College Essay), I edited Sienna's form of her essay.

How'd I make it better?


I think I made Sienna's work better by offering advice on how to make the intro paragraph more concise, since currently it feels kind of lengthy.  The other suggestion I offered dealt with the personal anecdote she used in her introduction. I loved how she used a personal anecdote, as it establishes credibility, but there was one thing I want her to tweak. I think if she jumped right into her story rather than using the phrase "I remember when..." that she would have a much better hook to her intro. If you throw the audience into the scene I think it will be much more engaging to the audience than it currently is.

Student's guide incorporation?


I incorporated the summary and analysis section from the student's guide. I told Sienna that she had a little too much text for an introduction paragraph. Although it is meaningful information, it's just super lengthy and over summarized. I think if Sienna gets more to the point of her personal story, she'll be able to keep the reader's attention better. Walls of text in the starting paragraph can discourage readers from reading a great writing piece.

One thing I admired?


I admired the personal story Sienna used. She created a relation to me, the reader, by using something I can relate to. Granted I didn't play with barbie dolls, I could still feel the childhood days and relate to the idea that there is a perfect image of people created which has unhealthy effects. When I was younger I had the same issues due to being overweight. It led to so many problems that young kids shouldn't have to deal with. If I could replicate a personal story that has a similar effect on the reader, I think I can improve my SCE tremendously.


Sunday, April 3, 2016

Peer Review for Ben Meyer

Making Suggestions for Ben


In this blog post I'm going to be taking a look at Ben Meyer's project so far.

Let's Check it Out!


So as I stated earlier I'm editing Ben's post called Rhetorical Analysis of project 3 which can be found here.

I selected the brainstorming suggestion for Ben's rhetorical analysis.

So first of all, Ben had an amazing rhetorical analysis. It outlined every single aspect of his argument and left me shocked to be completely honest. However, I did offer a counterargument that may have him thinking, and if he can give an example against it, I think he'll have a strong argument. Like I said, his analysis seemed bulletproof so this was the main argument.

As for what I used out of the Student's Guide, I think my comment focused on adding to Ben's analysis. I basically stated how if he could answer the counterargument that I presented, then he should be able to run the tables with this argument.  There's always going to be those belligerent people that constantly argue, but I think if he uses my comment to beef up his analysis, then he'll be golden.

I admired how much work Ben put into his rhetorical analysis. He put in so much time and effort to his work that he hits every single detail of his argument. I admire this because he's really getting all of the work done in the beginning of the project, so the project is basically going to do itself. If I could add this level of work ethic, which really isn't the easiest thing to do, I think I would be so much better off. So kudos to Ben!

Peer Review for Missy Webb

Making Suggestions for Missy?


Alright in this blog I'm going to try and critique some of Missy's work from this week.

Let's Begin!


So this Rhetorical Analysis of Project 3 is by Missy Webb, which can be found here.

In this peer review I'm going to be reviewing her rhetorical analysis, and try helping her out with the brainstorming.

I think my comment will help Missy improve her entire essay tremendously. In her rhetorical analysis, Missy didn't have too many counterarguments that were addressed, which could hurt her credibility and central argument. I think if she presents the counterarguments and then shows why they don't work, then that will make her a lot more credible.

I incorporated the use of evidence section from the Student's Guide, because my recommendation regards her using evidence to beat potential counterarguments. This was the only thing I could really add since it was a rhetorical analysis and not the outline.

One thing I admired about Missy's work was that she was very passionate about the subject. She comes off as a huge Harry Potter fan so I can tell that she picked a great topic for this project. It almost feels like you can feel her excitement even through the rhetorical analysis. I feel that Harry Potter is one of those stories everyone talks about, but I can see how it really has touched Missy, in a way unlike most fans.


Reflection on Pre-Production

How'd my week go?


This blog will serve as a reflection of how my pre-production has gone so far.

Audience Questions


1. Successes this week consisted of doing a pretty detailed rhetorical analysis and keeping the outline general. My goal was to keep the outline open to changes, because in the last project it was way too specific and I had a hard time staying on track with it. The rhetorical analysis I made highlights a lot of the nitty gritty details in my project especially with the context of the project. Since half of the grade is the genre examples, I made sure to be pretty in-depth in this part of the project.

2. Challenges this week included the time management (recurring theme) and picking a topic. I couldn't decide on a topic until Thursday's class, so that set me behind the curve this week. It's always a tough task to pick what your next four weeks of work will be about. Now for the time management section, this week was rough. It has felt like this week has lasted 30 years to be honest. We had dad's weekend this week, so I was very much tied up into that this weekend. Since I picked my topic on Thursday, this didn't leave me with very much time to get working on the project.

3. Next week is going to be rough Sean, let me tell ya. I have Spring Fling this week, and there are going to be a ton of late nights to say the least. So I'll have to get as much done during the days as possible. Am I nervous? Hell yeah I'm nervous, but I'm going to grind out a great rough cut of the project next week.

4. I'm feeling pretty okay about the project so far. Like I said in one of my other blogs, the standard college essay will probably be pretty dry, so I have to find ways to make it fun and interesting. I'm worried about keeping the audience interested, since in modern media we usually have physical media to do that. We'll see how this goes!

Production Schedule

In this blog, we're going to be looking at when and where I'm doing this project.

Let's Begin


So I'm going to create subsections for all of the schedule.

What is to be done:


In this project I have to get through the rough draft obviously. I need to make it thorough, so like a work hard now instead of later.

Location:


My dorm room, right in this chair. Maybe at the library too, we'll see.

Planned, Date, and Time


Next week is busy, so I'll be doing it all on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'll probably allocate 4 hours a day for this project.

Resources Required


My laptop, and just a great space to think AKA Arbol de la vida.

Date Completed


I'm going to have it all done come Sunday, as usual.

Changes Made After Completion


I couldn't tell you I haven't even started it so how can I know what needs changing?

Content Outline

The Big Picture


In this post I'm going to be giving a rough outline of my project, highlighting all of the major points and providing evidence for each part.

The Outline


Opening Section:

Here I plan on introducing the argument and the idea that school lunches are healthier than homemade lunches. To grab the reader's attention in the introduction I need to find a shocking statistic that catches the eye of the reader. Hopefully this will get the reader to keep reading. Another way to grab the reader's attention is to introduce a study from an easily recognizable institution or school (like Virginia Tech), to establish a bit of credibility in this essay.

Body Paragraph 1:

The main idea here is to establish facts about obesity rates in America, and to stay semi-general in this section. This is where I plan on putting in the facts, for later elaboration in other paragraphs.

Evidence - Obesity rates have been climbing tremendously over the past 50 years (1/3 children are obese).
  • This proves that school lunches could possibly be one of the factors of why children are at unhealthy weights in current times.
  • This is important because these high weights and unhealthy body fat can lead to diseases in adulthood for the children.
Evidence - School lunches average less calories than brought from home lunches.
  • This proves that school lunches are calorically healthier than at home lunches.
  • This is important because at the end of the day the amount of calories put in your system normally determine weight gain.

Body Paragraph 2: 

The main idea of this body paragraph is to go off of the facts in BP1 to go in depth and talk about how this is affecting the kids across the United States.

Evidence - The social development of overweight children has a negative impact on their lives (social anxiety and self-consciousness increase heavily).
  • This evidence proves that there needs to be an emphasis on child development through health in the United States.
  • This is important because the future of America relies on what how we make changes now, rather than later
Evidence - The lunches from home lack the same nutritional value of school lunches.
  • This Evidence proves that the best option for kids is to eat the school provided lunches.
  • This is important because this directly correlates to what the bodies of students are getting as far as nutritionally, which goes into how much energy and what diseases they could potentially develop.

Body Paragraph 3:

The last body paragraph will explain that the school lunches are both economical and healthy, in general and not case to case.

Evidence - School lunches cost significantly cheaper than your average home prepped lunch.
  • This proves that not only are school lunches healthier, but they also save the parents time and money as well.
  • This is important because an extra 15 minutes in the morning can be precious and an extra 10-15 bucks at the end of the week can go a long ways for some families.
Evidence - School lunches provide all of the major food groups needed for a growing child.
  • This proves that schools are making an effort to give children the necessary food to live a healthy lifestyle. 
  • This is important because it shows that schools aren't cutting ways around food, in terms of healthy options for the kids.

Closing Section:

Here I plan to recap all of the point I've made and restate how important it is to do what is best for the kids. At the end of the day, the child is affected here, not the parent. To explain to the audience the larger meaning, I can emphasize the facts once again. I can reference studies here, and give cold, hard data to prove anyone wrong who doesn't believe in it. Secondly, I plan on leaving off in a sentimental note. I'll use a personal experience to describe the tough upbringing of being obese, and how packed lunches contributed to this upbringing.

Research Report

The Meat and Potatoes of Pre-Production


In this blog post I will be laying out all my sources and make sure that they all come from credible people.

Here it is


Source #1

Title, author, and host of source:

a. Why Students Hate School Lunches

b. Kate Murphy

c. The New York Times

The Source's author:

a. Employed by the NYT

b. Has a background in this subject being a family woman herself

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents across the U.S.

b. School staff and faculty members

The source's main purpose or message:

a. To explain what it is about school lunches that kids do not enjoy

b. To explain how we can fix point a

Any important contextual details:

a. Reliable author

b. Lots of quotes from legit studies

Source #2

Title, author, and host of source:

a. Who Makes a Healthier Lunch: Mom or School Cafeteria?

b. Kathleen Doheny

c. CBS News

The Source's author:

a. Specializes in health

b. Certified journalist for CBS news (see prior link).

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School faculty

The source's main purpose or message:

a. Showing that school lunches are more balanced

b. School lunches on average have less calories

Any important contextual details:

a. Provides resources for facts

b. Major New agency

Source #3

Title, author, and host of source:

a. Study Finds the Average School Lunch is Healthier Than Home Packed Lunches

b. Kira Brekke

c. Huffington Post

The Source's author:

a. Health analyst

b. Huffington Post employee

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School Staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. To inform about the nutritional facts for school lunches

b. To compare school lunches vs. packed lunches

Any important contextual details:

a. Author has a background in public education

b. Major social news agency

Source #4

Title, author, and host of source:

a. School Lunch or Brown Bag: Which is Right for Your Kid?

b. Elizabeth Renter

c. U.S. News

The Source's author:

a. Employed by U.S. News as a writer

b. Works as a smart health and financial advisor

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School Staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. To determine which lunches are better for kids

b. Establish differences between the two

Any important contextual details:

a. Supplies external sources

b. Major news agency

Source #5

Title, author, and host of source:

a. Healthy School Lunches Recipes and Tips

b. Nava Atlas

c. VegKitchen

The Source's author:

a. Author of nutritional books

b. Mother of children

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. To inform about vegetarian food options

b. To offer diets for vegetarian students

Any important contextual details:

a. Credible author with health background

b. Credible sources linking to information

Source #6

Title, author, and host of source:

a. Healthy School Lunches Your Kids Will Actually Eat

b. Samantha Donohue

c. Spark People

The Source's author:

a. Mother

b. Nutritional background

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. To promote lunches kids will enjoy

b. create awareness about kids throwing away their lunch a majority of the time

Any important contextual details:

a. Credible author

b. cites facts from credible studies

Source #7

Title, author, and host of source:

a. Top 10 Snack Foods Consumed in America

b. Nina Zdinjak

c. Insider Monkey

The Source's author:

a. Mother of children

b. Nutritional enthusiast

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School Staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. To inform about what snacks Americans eat

b. To show that Americans don't eat naturally healthy

Any important contextual details:

a. Author credibility

b. Displays a non-biased opinion throughout the article

Source #8

Title, author, and host of source:

a. Childhood Obesity Facts

b. CDC

c. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

The Source's author:

a. No Specific author here

b. No Specific author here

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. No specific author here

b. No specific author here

Any important contextual details:

a. It's the CDC

b. It's still the CDC, but it does have a lot of contributions from scientists

Source #9

Title, author, and host of source:

a. School Nutrition Standards

b. SNA

c. School Nutrition Association

The Source's author:

a. There's no specific author here

b. There's no specific author here

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. To show the standards of food being served in school

b. To inform parents about the requirements of school lunches

Any important contextual details:

a. Nationally recognized administration for school food

b. Has the backing of scientists and other professionals

Source #10

Title, author, and host of source:

a. 5 Key Nutrients You Probably Aren't Getting Enough of

b. Maya Dangerfield

c. Greatist

The Source's author:

a. Maya Dangerfield is a health enthusiast

b. Mother

The target audience of the source:

a. Parents

b. School staff

The source's main purpose or message:

a. Inform about food groups

b. State which ones Americans lack

Any important contextual details:

a. Credible author

b. Reliable sources




Rhetorical analysis of Project 3

What's going on?


In this blog post I will be discussing the ins and outs of the rhetorical situation that surrounds my topic regarding school lunches and packed lunches.

Author


1. How will I draw on my interests and goals?
  • This topic relates to dieting which I have a strong interest in. I'm very much into learning more about dieting, especially when it concerns my background growing up. I know personal experiences will be huge for me in this project.
  • By majoring in business I won't have a direct connection to this situation, but I will have secondary connections. The advertisement of school lunches, and ads that revolve whether packing your lunch or buying school lunches will come into effect here.
  • Social issues that have come about regarding weight loss and dieting interest me deeply. With the obesity epidemic that has struck the United States, i feel as if it's a great project idea. I like to follow bodybuilding.com as a source of this information, for tips on dieting and weight loss.
  • This topic also follows one of my professional goals in life which is to create awareness for obese children. Growing up having experienced this, I understand how this happens and what the causes of this epidemic are. One of the main instigators of this epidemic starts with the lunches kids eat every day.
  • The personal interest factor that comes from this is that I grew up severely overweight. I was extremely obese for 12 years of my life and I firmly believe this could have been a link to it. The school lunch vs. homemade lunch idea has sparked an interest in something I have personally experienced, which I think makes it an excellent topic to talk about.
2. Preconceptions and previously held opinions?
  • Family values tie into this well. My mom has always had the sense that she needed to make sure that her kids were fed well. This extends to past generations, it's just how my family is. That being said I was always thinking that I was eating healthier than other kids, but it may have not been the case. We eat very well in my family to say the least.
  • Social class can tie into this issue, but it didn't apply for me as much. We were middleish class so we could have either bought or made my lunches growing up. Now for someone growing up in poverty, the option of bringing lunch from home may not have been an option.
  • School lunches are pretty regulatory amongst public schools, so location didn't really have an enormous impact, compared to something like economic status.
  • Religion didn't tie into this project for me either. I wasn't raised Catholic or Jewish so there were never any dietary restrictions. This isn't going to play in personally to me, but it's definitely something to keep in perspective.
  • Political and cultural factors also don't play a big part into this from a personal side. There's just not much connection.

Audience


  • I'm making this project primarily for parents and school staff members. These people are going to be the most concerned with whether or not which kinds of lunches are healthy or not. I'm going to lay out the facts behind the topic and allow the parents and school staff to try and make the best decision for their children, rather than force a biased opinion down the audience's throat.
  • I feel that the parents side may feel that what they are doing is best for their child. Whether that's packing a lunch for their kid or not, I feel that the parents will be more stubborn on this issue. School staff will probably lean more towards the side that school lunches are healthier just because that may disrespect them to say that their food isn't good. I'll respond to this by presenting studies that give concrete evidence behind the school vs. packed lunch argument.
  • I think the parents will react kind of offended towards the argument, depending on if they are doing the healthiest choice for their child. I feel like they may brush it off at first but then realize that what they're doing may not be the best idea for their child. School staff will probably react less due to the fact that there isn't much that they can do, as it's their job to cook and serve as they're told to do.
  • I will connect to the audience by speaking as a kid who has grown up with the bagged lunch aspect in my history. I know the kinds of food my mom put in there, and the foods most moms will typically put in there. I will argue with concrete facts so that I have official evidence behind the topic, so then people who disagree can't really tell me no.
  • I know for a fact that currently my Aunt Margaret would fall into this category as she has a daughter (my cousin) who is currently going through elementary school right now. I think if I showed her how healthy school lunches actually are, and that the lunches she packs could damage Kaitlyn's health, then I could get her to agree with me.

Purpose/Message


1. What am I trying to accomplish?

  • My hope for this project is that the audience will take into consideration what the best option for their children are. This project is focused on providing the best options for the children going through school that don't have much knowledge on nutrition and other aspects of a healthy lifestyle. If the parents can go out and make a positive change for their child's well-being, then I'd consider this project to be successful.
  • The audience must consider that this is not universal. Obviously if you and your child are vegans or vegetarians then the diet will change, and this argument may not fully apply. The audience needs to realize that these studies are based on averages and not a case to case basis. I just want the audience to consider that there are other factors behind this argument.
  • I want the audience to believe that their child comes first. I'm not doing this to take shots at parents and tell them they suck at parenting, I'm doing this to provide insight on what the best option is for the children. What the parents do with that knowledge is totally up to them.
2. What still needs to be accomplished?

  • I'm going to lay it all on the line, every fact and every detail. So if anything needs to be better explained after this, I don't think I did well. The only thing post viewing will be for the audience to make a judgement based on the information that I've provided them.
  • People arguing about this need to be reminded that this isn't about them, but rather their children. They need to put pride and other selfish traits aside and think about their children in this argument.
  • I addressed the perspectives earlier, the only other perspective that would need to be reviewed is the actual food manufacturer's perspective.
  • I don't think that there is any other people that we need to hear from as of right now.
  • The information we need to gather is who exactly the manufacturer's are for school food, and what exactly is in the school food that kids are eating.

Context


1. What genre?

  • I will be doing the standard college essay.
  • Audience expectations include things along the line of formal writing, proper grammar, and basically your standard essay conventions with intros, body paragraphs, conclusion and all that good jazz.
  • I've done many essays throughout high school so I have a little bit of pre-college experience with this genre of writing.
  • My comfort level is good, I'm very passionate about the subject so it'll be a good topic for me. The genre makes me feel a little nervous, as it doesn't allow me to get as creative as other genres, but I'll have to work with what I've got!
  • The two most effective conventions are the hook and the conclusion paragraph. I think these are the most effective because just for someone to read your paper, you have to draw them in effectively. Without that, the audience won't go past the first paragraph. As for the conclusion, you have to finish the essay on a great note. 
2. When?

  • The only historical event that can be really linked to this is Michelle Obama's influence on school lunches. She recently set the standards for what foods students are allowed in schools, which controls calorie totals and requires certain amounts of food groups that students must consume at every lunch. Other than this there aren't too many government laws that have actually affected the school lunches across the United States.
  • Some major counterarguments that I'll have to respond to are the price factor of the food, diet exceptions for students that may not be able to eat school lunches, and the idea that parents only pack healthy snacks for their kids. These are the main counterarguments to my main argument.