Production Report 11b

How's the raw content?

In this blog post I'm going to show a rough cut of my Standard College Essay and compare it to the outline that I created last week.

From the Outline

Here's a section of the conclusion part of the outline that I'll be showing an adaptation to:

"Here I plan to recap all of the point I've made and restate how important it is to do what is best for the kids. At the end of the day, the child is affected here, not the parent. To explain to the audience the larger meaning, I can emphasize the facts once again. I can reference studies here, and give cold, hard data to prove anyone wrong who doesn't believe in it. Secondly, I plan on leaving off in a sentimental note. I'll use a personal experience to describe the tough upbringing of being obese, and how packed lunches contributed to this upbringing."

Access to raw content

Here's the adapted part of my outline that is now my rough cut conclusion paragraph:

            Countless studies point back to the fact that the health of student dining should be left in the hands of the schools rather than parents. With the strict health code guidelines that schools are required to follow, parents can be ensured that their children are provided with the best health opportunities available. In order to keep the kids of America healthy, parents must simply accept the fact that the school lunch trumps the classic, brown-bagged option that has been the food staple for the past century.

Audience Questions

1. So one main points of form and genre conventions that I used in my conclusion was to restate my thesis and to reiterate the major parts of my essay. I aimed to keep my conclusion concise, while trying to leave the reader to make a decision to decide what they got from this essay. Do they agree with my arguments and why I made them? Or if they don't then why not? So basically all in all the goal was to keep it short and sweet, and to not mess up any conventions in the last part of my essay.

2. There definitely weren't as many hiccups in the concluding paragraph as there were in my introduction paragraph. Since this is basically restating my main ideas, I didn't have too much trouble with it. The only issue I had was trying to send the audience off on a deeper level, rather than just cutting the essay short and saying "okay you can leave now." I tried to make the ending powerful, but I think I can do a better job of it once I edit the rough cut.