The standard college essay review
In this post we are going to be taking a peek at Sienna's standard college essay!
Let the Editing begin
Name and Title: Sienna Willis's essay: “Tall”, “Petite”, and “Curvy” Barbie Dolls: A Desire for Increased Sales or Increased Body Positivity?
Type of edit: Content
Where: Sienna's project can be found here
How did I help :
I helped Sienna's essay by offering a suggestion to make her content more effective. I asked if she'd like to show her data better to strengthen her logical approach in her essay. In her essay she claimed how barbie sales have plummeted in the late 90's. As a reader I'm not totally convinced by these claims and would rather have some evidence of these statements. I think if she can cite a study or specific numbers she'll be well off and have a really good foundation for the essay.
Student's Guide Incorporation:
I think the aspect I helped with was the use of sources from her essay. I think if she slides her sources in more effectively, she'll really be able to add to her logical approach in her essay. The student's guide mentions the questioning of the fact stated which is what I elaborated on earlier. Once she adds this she'll be golden.
One thing that I admired:
I admired the flow of Sienna's essay. It blended really well together and was a very quick reading. I think the topic is a very controversial, and will definitely draw a lot of attention towards this essay. I think as long as Sienna doesn't change how the essay is written, she'll have a very effective paper on the Barbie Doll argument.
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