Let's compare and contrast shall we?
In this blog post, I'm going to see the how far one of my body paragraphs has come in this paper.
The Original - Rough Cut
According to Insider Monkey, the number one and number four most consumed foods in America are candy and chips, respectively ("Top 10 Snack Foods Consumed In America"). With this in mind it is safe to assume that most of the lunches being packed contain these unhealthy snacks that kids usually love. If a child was asked to pick between fruit or a candy bar, the answer would be pretty obvious. Children do not care if it is good for them, but only care if it tastes good in general. With this in mind, think of what snacks the kids in school are likely to grab first.
The New One - Re-edited Cut
According to Insider Monkey, the number one and number four most consumed foods in America are candy and chips, respectively ("Top 10 Snack Foods Consumed In America"). With this in mind it is safe to assume that most of the lunches being packed contain these unhealthy snacks that kids usually love. If a child was asked to pick between fruit or a candy bar, the answer would be pretty obvious. Children do not care if it is good for them, but only care if it tastes good in general. With this in mind, think of what snacks the kids in school are likely to grab first. Although the kids seem oblivious to healthy eating, it simply is not their fault. At such a young age, children cannot grasp what effects junk food such as chips, candy, and soda have on their developing bodies. This leads to unhealthy, picky eating that not only diminishes the health of a growing child, but also creates a waste of food fiscally for parents.
The Questions we want answers to
1. The content changed when I re-edited because I added so much more analysis to the original part of the paragraph. Originally it was just fact after fact and it didn't really go well with my argument. After I added a little bit of analysis and soul to my paper, it flowed extremely well. The ideas are definitely conveyed much better in the newer version compared to the older one.
2. The form changed because I added a citation and that was pretty much it. Honestly form isn't huge in this project so I was able to just adjust my citation to the proper citation. I really don't know what else to say about this part, as it established credibility and that was the only thing that really changed.
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